wtf to make of a morning

i feel TERRIBLE when i don’t get anything done in the morning. being unproductive in the morning spirals into being unproductive for the rest of the day. it starts what i call a mañana train (“i’ll start tomorrow! i’ll fix it tomorrow! trust me!!!”).

i get spurts of energy some weeks and wake up super energized. i flyyy out of the bed and start working right away. eyes wide open. but most of the time this isn’t the case. instead i fall asleep while meditating or start doomscrolling..

waking up early and feeling good about myself shouldn’t be periodic. it should be the default. because feeling good should be the default. duh. so i need something concrete that i can do in the morning to always want to jump out of bed.

what is that SOMETHING?!

going for a walk maybe? writing? oooohh something just hit me!! last summer i used to get up and read on the balcony every morning. i was suuuper excited for this. we have sun from like 6-8am there so i used roll my gaming chair onto the balcony and sit there reading + getting tanned. (this is only viable during summer months and when i’m in the middle of a book tho...)

i’m starting to realize that this hints at a bigger problem: what to do. generally. wtf to do.

OK fuck i need to get better at not thinking so much. i’ll just pick something to do for the next week, right when i wake up. something exciting. i’ve started learning reading and writing farsi again so i’ll do that. for the next 7 days, i will get up, shower, and spend 15 minutes doing my farsi drills before anything else. (maybe with some banger music in bg for extra dopamine if necessary hehe). everything else has to wait. OK. deal. (just set a reminder for 7 days to get back to it see u then :))

(another good alternative would be to meditate. i’ll try that the week after. or work on designing client projects. or writing.. suddenly i’m excited to do all these things WHAT.)

you might be saying “make your bed! jordan petersson says make your bed!” making your bed is a good start. but wtf do you do after that? if you don’t have a mission it doesn’t matter if your bed is made or not. you won’t do shit afterwards anyways.

i’d also not downloaded opal since i got a new phone… sooooo i’m downloading it as we speak. i was about to say “hope it fixes my problems” but no. i will fix my problems. not opal.

i just looked up and saw two people making out in the elevator as the doors were closing. i feel alone now. bye.